The Private Blog of Joe Cowley #3: Welcome to Cringefest by Ben Davis (author) (UK edition)

Right blog. I’m back! Let’s not waste time with pleasantries – there is absolutely NOTHING pleasant about my life right now. Reasons why everything is terrible: 1. The love of my life, AKA Natalie, still hates me all because of one tiny – OK, huge – mistake. 2. Natalie has now started hanging around with my so-called ‘friend’ Greeny. Since January, he’s lost about half of his body weight and now girls actually fancy him! 3. Harry, Ad, and Greeny AKA The Sound Experience have had a top ten dance hit with a sample of my voice saying ‘I’m as gay as the day is long’. Still, at least there’s Buzzfest to look forward to. Who knows, once we’re there, amid all the beautiful people, scenery and music, Natalie might realise I am the love of her life and return into my waiting arms. On the other hand, it could just be full of weirdos, overflowing toilets from hell, and death metal . . . Joe Cowley is back! And this time it’s even more butt-clenchingly embarrassing and excrutiating than before. From a ‘Grand Gesture’ involving Star Trek costumes and the school boyband, to being trapped in a portaloo that’s about to be pushed over. Joe’s completely up to his neck in it – literally! Welcome to Cringefest . . .